I am sure I turn to spiritual practices when I am particularly afraid, either of death too soon or of descents into oblivion (like those who find God at the bottom of a barrel - I always wondered what God was doing there, almost exclusively a bottom feeder, lazily waiting for us to fall in his laps). Once again I want to use this latest delving into meditation to rise from the pit and keep rising, not just rising to the plateau from which I fell. It has been a pattern in my life that I lose focus on what is good in focusing on what is frightening, maybe bad - though I can't say what is bad for sure. There is a block on my path to peace that I impose internally, a block on my ability to realize creative potential that I repeatedly erect through fear, through illness, through circumstance, when of course these blocks were (mostly) not there until I found them. I have another chance. I can climb again, I look for guidance to do so, I may find some, I look inside and am taken along with some increased belief, but also with increased fear, soon my tightrope is higher, the drop is further, yet the tightrope still only lays on the ground, never strung between the stars, nor even mountains; buildings; trees or simple low steps. I can climb again with love, with contentment and with acceptance. However far I go, it must, of course, be far enough.
