'Peace' Meditation Reflection - Jan 09 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm
Came with some discomfort but more mental peace, reduced worries over physical symptom of pain. Was able to become quite peaceful in the meditation, moving towards letting go and towards nothingness, that loss of self as well as realisation of self in all, and other such lay ideas, where the language I explain my reflections with doesn't reflect the simplicity or complexity but only sounds trite and 'soft focus'.

A meditation where I am aiming toward emptiness and relaxation can become self involved and analytical, which moves away from the purpose and reinforces wanting. These happen sometimes but my mindfulness at least picks up on it.

Thoughts that come during the meditation should be discarded rather than analysed, meditation is not the place for wisdom but the place to rest.

This time reflecting had me come out the meditation and want to put energy toward my work, rather than keep it inside, where it is not released, yes, I still feel a blockage of energy on my left side but I am able to expand it when meditating or when forgetting it and putting my effort into another purpose other than body awareness or anxiety over tensions and possible illness. These places do not allow for recovery they only keep me in stasis or take me further into tension and anxiety, to fear.

I had connected with the good inside of me when I was once bereft of all hope, this was my very core I believed at the time, though it was not built upon previously, nor has it been since, hardly. I still feel it, I sometimes call on it to fill me up in recent days, to help push out the fear, but I also sense I should have a balance of fear and goodness, that they can both contribute without being at war. I simply feel my fear needs no more feeding where my positivity and goodness does, I sometimes think my fear has no outlet beyond my body and mind, but I can also sense it goes into my work in a positive way, which allows a connection with many people's experience, which is my empathy, hopefully communicated. Similarly my goodness should have that outlet, whereas I currently use it selfishly to try and make myself admired and healthy. I may be admired one day, but it won't be through pursuit of glory or riches, I should put my efforts into simple goals, like letting a story out and making it as good as I can so it may communicate and entertain, so it may provoke reflection or stir emotion in the reader, to as little or as great a depth as they receive. If I can communicate with prose as I once and hopefully still do with lyric, I may be able to express myself with purpose, or toward purpose.

I would do well to switch off the desire to achieve and simply do things. Forget the destination I imagine, for it can never be the destination, in itself it is a meaningless concept, for my physical and material destination in life is momentary and so temporary in the grand scheme of things as to be insignificant. Only the continuation of the journey into life and beyond occurs. Some beliefs say this goes beyond our current experience and is as infinite as the universe. If we are composed of the parts of the universe, we return to it, there is no purpose in the why, ultimately, there just is.

This life can be fulfilling in the sense of learning to let go my thinking, my fear, and just put one foot in front of another to see where I am taken and where I go. It can include expressing my creativity on the way without defining a purpose for it. It can simply be a part of my life, once done, done, other things come. I use what I have to express myself, at some point that should lead to being kind to others and making them feel good, as well as being kind to myself and making myself feel good. For I am also like you.