"Frog In A Pond" Meditation Reflection - Apr 28 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation not long after walking, with a little distraction into world news prior to beginning the practice. I let go of the body reasonably well for a while, then had some pins and needles in a leg. It is sometimes happens and yet I can't see a difference in how I sit, so it puzzles me when I get it. Thinking started from it being moved and let that go too.

There was some silence in my meditation, moments where I was feeling part of the moment I was in, of the bigger world rather than just my subjective perception of it. Thoughts came and went, mostly about finding a place for myself amid the life of others, some definition that I require sometimes, today it was seeing myself as an agent of change in others, but I don't know why this should be, I doubt it is anything but a muddled view.

Mostly I think I may be a frog imaging what it is like out of the water and of course being wrong, never having left the pond.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 27 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation soon after waking and quite relaxed, sat outside with a cold wind from one side and warm sun on the other. Was able to let go of the body quite successfully, though felt it in the context of the temperature, of the cold coming in or the warmth bathing me, conscious of the light as I moved my head occasionally.

My mind was able to relax at times to quite peaceful quiet states, whilst at other times there were thoughts drifting around, which did not snare me for long, yet were distractions from silence. I was aiming to not reflect on words, or thoughts but on the experience of just being sat there.

When the meditation finished I felt pleased to have done it, yet that I had not been deeply into it, nor sat for long enough at peace. I was looking too much, I believe, wanting again. This is a practice that may take a good while until I can sidestep wanting or stop in sneaking up on me.

"Remember You're Asleep" Meditation Reflection - Apr 26 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

I saw in this meditation that the enlightened ones are leaving clues; helping us to know we are asleep and to wake us up, either gently, or with a jolt. This is what dreaming gives us: a pattern to follow, a clue. This is what life's wanting is about: the sense that we are not fulfilled, but it gets mistaken for a thing to be fulfilled by accumulating and digging your heels in, being so completely asleep that you make the dream idyllic, not wanting to wake up; when it is the dream itself that must recognized before you can begin fulfillment.

My life could be construed as a visit to experience wanting and to connect with what I had forgotten in a previous life, perhaps where I had tantalizing glimpses of enlightenment; a life where I wondered what it would be like to want and worry, looking to do that in the next life, this one.

Could this be why I came into this life with muddied insight into there being more than I experienced in my waking moments, feeling different, having imagination that drove me inward, having poor sight to keep me there, being prodded along the way to keep me uncomfortable, saying "feel deeply what this life is," whilst always hinting that this is not all there is, that this is impermanent, so don't fall in so far that you can't get out?

Then I forgot; lived a human experience, and now once again the prodding happens: don't get lost, there is more than this, just experience this as one part of existence.

The fish in the water is the soul in a human, the I that you are is a small part of the whole truth.

Meditation is there to help you remember you're asleep and to let you wake up.

New York Times Haiku Contest Success!

Thank you very much

for publishing my Haiku

in The New York Times.

Apr 25 14

"You cannot teach the stomach to catch food." Meditation Reflection - Apr 25 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm,

I came to the meditation relaxed and ready to let go of things and see where the meditation, and did let go of my body significantly, but after a while with my mind, I forgot to let things go, to throw them away and drifted few a few thoughts, then my mindfulness would say, "What is it you are doing, can you move around that and let things go, to see what happens when there is silence?" and I went there for a little while before again finding a thread that I picked up instead of leaving on the ground and so the meditation unravels a little bit at a time whenever I pick up that thread and pull on it. I will make progress when I see the thread and can leave it alone.

Enlightenment can only be found when you stop looking, and I am searching everywhere at the moment. My focus is in the wrong place. You cannot teach the stomach to catch food.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 23 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Not the revelatory insights of yesterday, but another foray into relaxing yet thinking, punctuated by brief passages of peace where I let go the thoughts; in a very small way began to let go of myself.

I still found the sense that the human existence here is just part of a complete existence beyond time and physicality, but I did not pursue it, just let that feeling arrive and leave: the guidance to not ponder during meditation being in my mind, and allowing me to let go of pondering after a while, but not immediately.

There was a moment when I felt that my journey through wanting, wondering and worrying could be let go for one of joyful contentment; that in fact that was simply my choice at any time, to leave behind a path I have been on and step to a new one.

To reduce the frustration in my inability to take that step I say to myself that I will be able to take it when the time is right, when the step is clearly presented to me as possible. This is a knowing misunderstanding of making the best of what you have, I am waiting to be hit of the head with another gift from the universe, whilst I wallow in my poor choices. I am moving myself a little nearer living a good life with the current passage of time though, I believe.

There is another path there, I may be able to take it sooner, and by choice rather than by having it handed to me. I may be able to let go of my chains and shackles.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 21 14

Link to meditation guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation quite relaxed, though with a head full of thoughts, and despite the guidance encouraging us to throw out the ballast and rise free of burdens, I remained sat resolutely on the ground, thinking, though in a relaxed manner. This is sometimes my lot: my pastiche of meditation.

When asked at the the end, "what's it like to be free?" I smile, shake my head gently and say, "I have no idea."

Now I'm off to finish our taxes. :-)

'What's it like to be free?' Meditation Reflection - Apr 20 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm

Came to the meditation quite relaxed, though with a head full of thoughts, and despite the guidance encouraging us to throw out the ballast and rise free of burdens, I remained sat resolutely on the ground, thinking, though in a relaxed manner. This is sometimes my lot; my pastiche of meditation. When asked at the the end, "What's it like to be free?" I smile, shake my head gently and say, "I have no idea." Now I'm off to finish our taxes. ;-)

'Letting Go' Meditation Reflection - Apr 18 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm

Does this really help, to list my reflections? Maybe it helps me, but that wasn't supposed to be the point. How can my detailing my meditation practice help you?

I hoped there may be some common ground, a place where what i experienced connected with yours, but it would be the blind leading the blind in some ways. Lots of Monkeys hoping to write Shakespeare. Still, Here we are.

I came to the meditation quire relaxed, and let go of the body somewhat, my thoughts drifted around low level concerns and ideas, family things, complaints, wanting work, wanting attention. then at some point my body started it's twisting again, it has been happening fairly consistently recently, my head twists far to the right, stretching out the left side neck muscles quite far, it feels comfortable whilst it's happening, then afterward my neck feels a bit achy.

Ajahn had said its almost always excellent where the body contorts itself as long as we are not compelling it consciously, so i go with it. Hopefully it will help my upper back pain.

How does that help you? Well, maybe I could say, "I find my body contorting itself, I had heard guidance that should it do so, it is usually excellent for you, the body working it's own kinks out, so if you find that happening to you, let it continue, I'm passing on what I heard."

How does my basically relating the ongoing skimming the surface of meditation help anyone? Well, maybe I can say "Once again I am only skimming ht surface of meditation, yet I know from the guidance I follow that this is the most common lay issue with meditation, and it is only the practice that will let any deeper states come. Practice combined with mindfulness, with reflection and guidance, these things can further the benefits and journey into mediation, so as I persist, come along with me and lets see how we do, let me know if you have any breakthrough."

'Letting Go' Meditation Reflection - Apr 17 14

Link to meditation guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation much relieved after the anxious state of yesterday and the evening before was released by seeing it was self-imposed, by not waiting and seeing a bigger picture, what I was afraid of was not going to happen, but my fears took me to a place where it was already happening.

Anyway, today's meditation felt peaceful, thoughts were few and my mind was quite open. The talk beforehand was about the impossibility of knowing the nature of ourselves or our existence until enlightenment so not pursuing explanation or insight, as it will always be misguided or at best just one part of the picture: a fish cannot know water.

This was part of my meditation object, allowing me not to explore thoughts that came up, which were the usual wanting: wanting to know, to be more, to be enlightened, to be wealthy, not wanting to be as I am: to be afraid, to be searching, to be lost.

These wants and not-wants are the barrier to peace, that I have not overcome, from my earliest notions as a child wanting contentment and being knowingly stuck in that paradox. I will continue practicing not wanting. I can perceive it, at least, I believe.

Though I am only a fish, maybe I am a flying fish. Perhaps I am not a fish but a dolphin, knowing of different states, yet not poking my head above water yet.

These metaphors are a poor state of affairs. They describe wanting, themselves, pointing out one who cannot just be what he is.