"30 Minute Meditation" Reflection - Apr 30 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to this feeling quite tired and looking to use the practice for some mental clarity before continuing the day. Well, that's wanting right there, and as it turned out, I was able to let go the body quite well, and quite quickly, but them proceeded to drift into thoughts about exactly what I was looking to clear my mind about before taking it on later.

There were some moments of quiet, when I heard the rain outside, and let go the thoughts, but they were brief, and though I have benefitted from relaxing for half an hour, I have barely touched on the practice of meditation.

It's laughable to think I spend other reflections considering enlightenment and deep stages, when I don't have the mindfulness to stop thinking for more than a few seconds.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 30 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation a little more anxious than other days recently since fears of stress and struggle around finances were on my mind. To let go of them a little during meditation was a relief, feeling my self free of them was a great burden lifted. Free in the sense of going with the flow, that the stresses come and go and needn't overwhelm, if I have a less obsessive attitude toward them.

There's also the sense of an attitude that "everything will work out ok," which I have heard in the guidance and talks as a reasonable state of mind for life, and perhaps based on the idea that this life is not as important as we, who are unenlightened, make it out to be.

The short term anxieties that are part of society have a deep hold on me some days, I always seem to look to avoid them by reacting with fear and reaching out for help. I learn on the way what it is to have anxieties, so this allows me to be more compassionate and empathetic, and still I wish these anxieties over practical matters were more easily borne and less disruptive.

I have another sense that when I come to that lessening of those particular burdens, then they will just shift elsewhere.

The aim is to be more peaceful inside rather than look for peace outside.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 29 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

This was a deeper meditation, after letting go the body significantly and recognizing thoughts conspiring to take me into the low level drift, I had a feeling that I was pursuing status, the spiritual materialism as well as the physical, to be considered as a valued person in the world by many other other people.

Such an attitude hinders me from taking small steps to improve my meditation. I am not in a position to attain enlightenment if I believe enlightenment is for personal gain and public acknowledgment.

I am barely in a position to stop my thoughts, yet today in the meditation, after looking at what I was wanting (status) I did find some clarity and silence in my mind, I did feel that to be kind and to be mindful could help in all situations, yes, there were distractions that came with some thoughts I could pursue and ponder, but I did not, I let them go and had a little while just being in a peaceful and clear state, I felt quite light mentally, that there was some space to enjoy without the clamor to be some other way.

The idea to stop and consider (use wisdom, such as it is) why thoughts are coming up in the midst of meditation, came from suggestions by various minks who take the meditations I follow.

The end of the meditation brought a feeling more akin to having done something constructive.

"Frog In A Pond" Meditation Reflection - Apr 28 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation not long after walking, with a little distraction into world news prior to beginning the practice. I let go of the body reasonably well for a while, then had some pins and needles in a leg. It is sometimes happens and yet I can't see a difference in how I sit, so it puzzles me when I get it. Thinking started from it being moved and let that go too.

There was some silence in my meditation, moments where I was feeling part of the moment I was in, of the bigger world rather than just my subjective perception of it. Thoughts came and went, mostly about finding a place for myself amid the life of others, some definition that I require sometimes, today it was seeing myself as an agent of change in others, but I don't know why this should be, I doubt it is anything but a muddled view.

Mostly I think I may be a frog imaging what it is like out of the water and of course being wrong, never having left the pond.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 27 14

Link to the meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation soon after waking and quite relaxed, sat outside with a cold wind from one side and warm sun on the other. Was able to let go of the body quite successfully, though felt it in the context of the temperature, of the cold coming in or the warmth bathing me, conscious of the light as I moved my head occasionally.

My mind was able to relax at times to quite peaceful quiet states, whilst at other times there were thoughts drifting around, which did not snare me for long, yet were distractions from silence. I was aiming to not reflect on words, or thoughts but on the experience of just being sat there.

When the meditation finished I felt pleased to have done it, yet that I had not been deeply into it, nor sat for long enough at peace. I was looking too much, I believe, wanting again. This is a practice that may take a good while until I can sidestep wanting or stop in sneaking up on me.

"Remember You're Asleep" Meditation Reflection - Apr 26 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

I saw in this meditation that the enlightened ones are leaving clues; helping us to know we are asleep and to wake us up, either gently, or with a jolt. This is what dreaming gives us: a pattern to follow, a clue. This is what life's wanting is about: the sense that we are not fulfilled, but it gets mistaken for a thing to be fulfilled by accumulating and digging your heels in, being so completely asleep that you make the dream idyllic, not wanting to wake up; when it is the dream itself that must recognized before you can begin fulfillment.

My life could be construed as a visit to experience wanting and to connect with what I had forgotten in a previous life, perhaps where I had tantalizing glimpses of enlightenment; a life where I wondered what it would be like to want and worry, looking to do that in the next life, this one.

Could this be why I came into this life with muddied insight into there being more than I experienced in my waking moments, feeling different, having imagination that drove me inward, having poor sight to keep me there, being prodded along the way to keep me uncomfortable, saying "feel deeply what this life is," whilst always hinting that this is not all there is, that this is impermanent, so don't fall in so far that you can't get out?

Then I forgot; lived a human experience, and now once again the prodding happens: don't get lost, there is more than this, just experience this as one part of existence.

The fish in the water is the soul in a human, the I that you are is a small part of the whole truth.

Meditation is there to help you remember you're asleep and to let you wake up.

New York Times Haiku Contest Success!

Thank you very much

for publishing my Haiku

in The New York Times.

Apr 25 14

"You cannot teach the stomach to catch food." Meditation Reflection - Apr 25 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm,

I came to the meditation relaxed and ready to let go of things and see where the meditation, and did let go of my body significantly, but after a while with my mind, I forgot to let things go, to throw them away and drifted few a few thoughts, then my mindfulness would say, "What is it you are doing, can you move around that and let things go, to see what happens when there is silence?" and I went there for a little while before again finding a thread that I picked up instead of leaving on the ground and so the meditation unravels a little bit at a time whenever I pick up that thread and pull on it. I will make progress when I see the thread and can leave it alone.

Enlightenment can only be found when you stop looking, and I am searching everywhere at the moment. My focus is in the wrong place. You cannot teach the stomach to catch food.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 23 14

Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Not the revelatory insights of yesterday, but another foray into relaxing yet thinking, punctuated by brief passages of peace where I let go the thoughts; in a very small way began to let go of myself.

I still found the sense that the human existence here is just part of a complete existence beyond time and physicality, but I did not pursue it, just let that feeling arrive and leave: the guidance to not ponder during meditation being in my mind, and allowing me to let go of pondering after a while, but not immediately.

There was a moment when I felt that my journey through wanting, wondering and worrying could be let go for one of joyful contentment; that in fact that was simply my choice at any time, to leave behind a path I have been on and step to a new one.

To reduce the frustration in my inability to take that step I say to myself that I will be able to take it when the time is right, when the step is clearly presented to me as possible. This is a knowing misunderstanding of making the best of what you have, I am waiting to be hit of the head with another gift from the universe, whilst I wallow in my poor choices. I am moving myself a little nearer living a good life with the current passage of time though, I believe.

There is another path there, I may be able to take it sooner, and by choice rather than by having it handed to me. I may be able to let go of my chains and shackles.

"Letting Go" Meditation Reflection - Apr 21 14

Link to meditation guided by Ajahn Brahm.

Came to the meditation quite relaxed, though with a head full of thoughts, and despite the guidance encouraging us to throw out the ballast and rise free of burdens, I remained sat resolutely on the ground, thinking, though in a relaxed manner. This is sometimes my lot: my pastiche of meditation.

When asked at the the end, "what's it like to be free?" I smile, shake my head gently and say, "I have no idea."

Now I'm off to finish our taxes. :-)