Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm
Came to the meditation after lots of distraction this morning through work and birthday things, was conscious of some physical tensions, muscular or skeletal, I believe, that have persisted for a couple of weeks.
During the meditation I was distracted by one of these tensions particularly, unable to fully let it go, similarly I did not find the mindfulness to let thoughts go as I was able to yesterday.
Mostly the thoughts focussed around contacting someone for creative work purposes, which could be sourced back to wanting, to looking for fulfillment of a long held belief that I ought to be connecting to a large public and having the public enjoy my writing and being moved by it to explore their own feelings to a positive end.
It can often feel like a ludicrous conceit, then at other times it seems quite reasonable considering the affect my work has had when in that arena. It is wanting, yes, it is sometimes striving, and yet is in now less of each and still a fundamental part of me.
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