Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.
Came with minimal physical tension yet it persisted and grew during the meditation, being unable to relax and let it go, thoughts rolled around too, though not anxiously. I feel it's a good meditation to stick with, there is a simplicity in it that I like and find some connection with. I wasn't able to identify a trigger for any anxiety that might cause my internal pain though I suspect it is a general anxiety over judgement and personal achievement. The desire to be acknowledged as good at something and maintain that judgement in the eyes of society, which is very hard to square with my desire not to be known by appearance, or name, even – not to be recognizable. I want to do good things for myself and for others, they exist one inside another these desires. I am not able yet to let go of the wanting and just do, but I have moments of it. I am closer and not further from contentment than I have been for a while, though I was closest when I was just being myself and not considering my being.
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