Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm.
Came to the meditation with many thoughts of the future and a little physical discomfort. When asked how deep into the lotus I got, at the end of the meditation, I had completely forgotten about the lotus, becoming lost in the sense of consideration about will and life, about being a good person, and whether any choice I made was valid. Still I felt, even in meditation, and now, afterward, that there are feelings that provide instinct, they are there even if they are subdued, and those feelings within me have always been in conflict with my upbringing and my education, which is predicated on being a public success, mainly financially, and which I have tried to achieve though it subverts my desire to help others and to put them first. I have an idea I want to pursue which may bring attention to others in some way, but hopefully is based on helping them. Those that want it, anyway. We'll see. Maybe that's just my will pushing me away from peace, or maybe it's my soul bringing me toward it?
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