Link to meditation, guided by Ven Cittapalo
Came to the meditation quite relaxed, perhaps a little tired – several things on my mind to complete within a timeframe and certain worries over finances hovering in the background, but these were low level concerns, or more accurately, concerns kept at arms length. Physically I felt quite well and ready to meditate.
During the guided visualization, again I had no sense of seeing a reflection of myself. I could not even visualize the mirror, instead I let myself feel what I could about my attitude. Were I looking at a reflection, initially I thought I appeared a bit sad and deflated, theses emotions coming from relationship concern mainly, then I allowed that attitude to change and saw myself be more positive and grateful, to have a smile and consider how wonderful my life was.
Taking this attitude forward felt like a right thing to do in the meditation, yet I soon forgot and drifted into many different areas of indistinct and unimportant thought, this persisted for most of the meditation, interspersed with adjusting my posture two or three times as I felt pins and needles so moved my legs, straightening them for a while, crossing them again after and so on, till I settled a little.
I did come to a place of peace but only very near the end of the meditation, I realised I was comfortable and that I felt calm and positive, also that there were no thoughts running around. This was a good place to be, I noticed the breath and followed that for a while, then we were brought out of meditation.
On general reflection I think it seems to be taking me quite a while to shed the thoughts and uncertain emotions I have been experiencing for the last several days; that I have plenty of letting go to do to bring me to a peaceful place. Most of the emotion and thought are of course mixed up with "wanting" (more and better, or less and better; peace and contentment in any event, the impossible conundrum I have not shaken my desire for - peace and joy only being approached by letting the wanting and striving go). I could perhaps listen to some talks to redirect me as well as continuing my meditation practice.
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