Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm
Came to the meditation quite tired, after a very deep sleep, with frustrations playing out in my dreams that left a little mental hangover this morning, physically though I thought I was relaxed, during the early part of the meditation however, I was unable to get comfortable and was shifting my posture often.
After I had settled my thoughts swept around, the preoccupation being one of finding my place in this world as in previous days, whereby I was both fulfilling my creative talent and so provided with a financial means to live on, these have been disparate in my life so far. I also again had the underlying thought to let life lead me where it will, seen in yesterday's meditation reflection even, as long as I can be peaceful and engaged in society. These desires too seem somewhat exclusive of each other.
The bottom line is that they are "wanting," and it has come back with some force in recent days, pushing out internal peace, given importance after an argument with a loved one initially, but always just beneath the surface for me, all my life.
By the end of the meditation I had let go of the thoughts significantly, really only just at the very end was I beginning to feel more peaceful.
When asked how deep into the lotus I went. I thought, "one layer - letting go the body." When asked what's it like in there, I thought "bigger", when asked how I feel right now and what's it like close to the end of the meditation, I thought "fine" and "better than it was close to the start of the meditation."
Mentally and physically it stays true currently that I feel better after a meditation than before. Good.
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