Link to meditation, guided by Ajahn Brahm
Came to the meditation after doing various menial things this morning, again, not prioritizing it and allowing myself to be taken into the daily usual business and finance frustrations before starting. It's how I perceive my "monkey mind" – not allowing myself to let go and grasping for more.
During the meditation I was able to let go of the body well, I felt quite comfortable despite some physical pain the last 24 hours. Relaxing into my meditation posture let me turn to my mental state, which was not do relaxed, my wandering thoughts and imagination leading to some anxieties and catastrophising, though behind it I felt was some fear of loneliness or fear of judgement, though why I should have fears of those, I have not discovered yet.
The most common fear is of insufficient financial means to live the 'quality' of life with my loved one that allows for moments of peace and happiness. I understand the fallacy of this, that peace and happiness are internal and eroded by the taint of striving (for money, say). I still persist in maintaining that life though, my happiness coming just enough to keep me sane.
By the end of the meditation I felt a little more mentally relaxed, though these persistent thoughts were not let go of as successfully as in other meditations.
I don't negate the benefit of meditation because of that, I believe it to be providing a calming influence in my life and to giving me glimpses of a more peaceful life ahead.
No comments:
Post a Comment