Link to meditation, guided by Bhante Sujato.
Came to the meditation mentally fairly relaxed, with some concerns of day to day life waiting to be resolved and provoking some anxiety at a low level, physically there is a fair amount of pain today likely from a muscle strain, so pain but no worry, a distraction, but one that is able to be put aside during meditation, as happened during the first few moments of relaxing the body and centering the mind.
I found myself able to focus on the mantra a little more clearly today; less thoughts takings from it, though they still did come and my concentration on each mantra diminished over time, until it was re-introduced by the guidance and directed to another area.
My uncertainty with metta was deepened nearer the end as I remembered an obstructive path of thinking whereby I feel the happiness of some beings is predicated on the suffering of others, such as wasps that lay eggs in other live animals, such as carnivores, and killers for other reasons.
I realize of course that this is an incomplete train of thought and budhist texts and teachings would have an answer, an acceptance for these lives and what their happiness entails that I do not, yet.
The meditation definitely allows my mind to feel less fatigued and at the end of the meditation I feel a fuller ability to concentrate and focus. I put the contradictions I uncover aside and turn my mind to the positives of the meditation and moving into the day more ready and more peaceful than without a meditation.
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