Link to meditation, guided by Bikkhuni Hasapanna.
Came to the meditation quite relaxed, maybe a little melancholy, and physically well only with the most minor discomforts. I certainly found the introduction to be extremely limited, since it is only the last few minutes of what was an undoubtedly longer guidance on mindfulness in meditation and has almost nothing to consider as a meditation object, just the idea to make the breath a little less subtle should mindfulness not be able to focus on it. There is no guidance at all once the meditation starts, and we are not brought out of the meditation peacefully.
For all that, it is a useful step into self-guided meditation, and I did see that the teacher was propped up with a cushion behind her as well as her sitting on one, so I put a cushion behind my back, which I have not done for several months, and I was much more comfortable, which allowed my body to settle quicker and be let go of more completely.
What came after though was a blizzard of thought, stemming from wanting and ego, somewhat anxious and desperate (all regarding the wish for and opportunity to be employed in my creative enterprise and to blossom into that creativity with a way to earn the means to live). I managed to settle those thoughts for a while by calming my mind down, again, as yesterday, imagining it to be a pet curled up in front of a warm fire, relaxed and peaceful, or to be me lying on a beach, content. This helped for a while and then the thoughts came back again, though less insistent and less anxious. Once again I sought calm in the same manner and it came briefly, before more thoughts returned, and so the meditation went.
I came out of the meditation a little more relaxed than when I started, also more alert, so it was a good meditation in those senses.
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