Link to meditation, guided by Bhante Sujato.
Came to the meditation calm and open, quite relaxed, some physical discomfort but nothing that interrupted the meditation. I was able to let go of the body and begin the mantra without being distracted by other thoughts, though again, as with other days, they did come, at a low and peripheral level, occasionally becoming my focus; thoughts of projects I wish to undertake, how I might do them and maintain financial stability; whether I should postpone them – thoughts based on wanting.
The guidance asks us to notice the feeling of loving kindness in our body that metta meditation fosters, and this I cannot yet feel. To bring up some warmth and loving kindness when wishing happiness of myself I bring to mind an image of my pet cat curled up in the sunlight, which also brings up my physical and mental connection to laying relaxed and happy in the sunlight, and I look to keep that feeling in mind whilst using the mantra "May I be happy." sometimes I feel it is also a question "May I be happy?" that is directed at the universe. In the next stage of metta - may my loved one be happy - I also imagine her lying happily on a beach in the sun to maintain that body memory of warmth during the meditation.
Come the end of the meditation I feel that it has gone quickly, that I feel more focussed mentally than at the beginning, that I feel more centered and peaceful, but I do not feel loving kindness, yet.
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